Words cannot express the pain of loss, of any kind of loss. People can tell you it will be ok, everything will be alright but when you experience a loss of someone you care about you just can’t agree with them. I lost my mother eleven years ago and to this day I think of her every day. I experience a dull pain whenever I think of the hole in my life where she isn’t and I thought that was the worst pain I could ever feel. I think this past weekend I felt a kind of pain that rivals that to a degree that I never imagined possible.
What should have been a good first event of the season this past weekend at the Ark HT in Monroe, NC turned into a bittersweet, long, slightly surreal weekend. The trip down and setup was smooth, albeit the last 25 miles of the drive are hell on wheels because there is a light every 200 yards and Charlotte traffic is awful.And don't even get me started on the trip home (what was supposed to be 7.5 hours became 12 because of a horrible accident on I-75 which caused us to sit at a standstill on the interstate for 2 hours) Since the Ark is a one day, we knew it would be tight and we had a plan.
Saturday ran smoothly to start. Mira went first and put in a nice dressage test (in a downpour), but then the sun came out and so did Mira’s “jackrabbit shoes.” She had wings on her feet that day and nothing was gonna make her touch a rail or a cross country fence. She finished in perfect time and we won our PT division. Kellie Driscoll took her own Remington who was foot perfect in dressage. It was during her warm-up for showjump that I heard something no one wants to hear at an event. There was a “hold” on cross country. You always fear that announcement. It means one of a few things and none of them are ever good, but as always you hope it was no one you knew and you pray everything is ok for all involved. I didn’t dream it would affect us because you only hear about that stuff happening to other people- not to the people you are directly associated with.
Kellie had an excellent show jump round and headed out slowly to cross country because the “hold” was still in effect. I told her I would run back to the barn to grab us some water and be back in a few, she had plenty of time (as an aside here since this isn't the main purpose of the post, Kellie did end up having a great run, as did Catherine and her pony Ransom who had an excellent first horse trail).
There is nothing in this world worse than walking around the corner of your barn aisle and seeing people standing at your group of stalls talking and just knowing something isn’t right. There is nothing to describe that feeling you get when you know it was a friend you were showing with for the weekend that was affected in that “hold” and no way to express the pain you feel when you find out the horse that you have been around for years isn’t coming back to that stall.
Now, let me tell you a little about Willpower aka “Will”. When KC was selling him I wanted that horse so bad. He was such a nice animal. He had the cutest ears, floppy like the nicest dressage horse from the minute the rider got on him. He was quirky. He loved to jump and like little Mira put his heart into every fence. I have never seen a braver/bolder cross country machine either. We will never forget Will standing in the barn aisle ground-tied patiently waiting on Maggie to come back to him or the flames she clipped on his rump every winter. Let’s also not forget seeing Maggie in the barn aisle late on those winter evenings blow drying Wills coat (yes I said blow-drying..with a hair dryer) because he would sweat and she didn’t want to risk putting him out wet. He had a heart of gold and would let even the rankest beginner go for a trail ride on his back or teach an up-down lesson. Will earned nicknames like “Willard” “William” and “The Pirate”- so named by my niece, Maddie when she saw Maggie leading him to his field one day last summer with that ridiculous pirate fly mask from Rolex on.
Will was a good soul and as I said on facebook the other day, horses, like dogs show us unconditional love. Any animal that can repeatedly jump fences at a gallop when asked, or dance around a dressage arena, and keep his toes up over rails that fall even when they are exhausted goes to heaven. All dogs do, I truly believe horses like Will do too.
Will is in heaven Maggie, he died doing what he loved for the person he loved the most. He will be watching over you and your future horses giving you the "willpower" to fly around with wings on your feet.
RIP Willpower. Hang in there Maggie!
Signing off
~Mandy
My deepest condolences...
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